One of the topics that often surface in the parenting classes that I teach is the parent’s fears of their kids failing in school. This is especially true for parents of kids with ADD or ADHD, because of their child’s difficulty staying focused on a school task to completion. Parents want their kids to succeed. So when their child starts to struggle with something such as schoolwork, the parent steps in to support their child by helping them with their
When does “helping” a child become “enabling” a child? It is hard to know where that line is sometimes. As parents, we love our kids and are willing to make sacrifices for them, but can our sacrifices ever send the wrong message to our kids? The answer is yes! We can certainly send unhealthy and unrealistic messages to our kids leading them to believe that the world will do everything it can to make sure they are comfortable, and especially,
As a child and family therapist, I have met with many teenagers who have shut down. It looks like they have put up 2-foot thick concrete walls around themselves to keep their parents and other concerned adults at a distance. By the time parents contact me, months or even years of damage has already happened in the family and the interactions of shutting down and pushing away have become habits. Sometimes the parent and the child don’t even know or
Has this ever happened to you or someone you know? Child: “Mom we need to go to the store tonight! My project is due tomorrow and I need a poster board and some construction paper!” Parent: “How long have you known about this project?” Child: “They told us two weeks ago, but I don’t see what that has to do with anything.” Parent: “You have known for two weeks and you just now tell me! I can’t take you tonight.
Have you ever heard someone tell a new mother that if she keeps picking up her child when he is crying she is going to spoil him? Is it true? Is it possible that nurturing a child can go too far to the point that it becomes coddling? At what point can nurturing become coddling? To understand these questions, we must first understand what it is that children need. Do
In the updated Love and Logic Parenting Class – Parenting the Love and Logic Way, Jim and Charles Fay share the following observation, “Our heart breaks every time we see someone falling into the ‘consequence trap.’ Well-meaning parents become ensnared in this trap when they believe that the solution to all of their problems involves finding bigger or better consequences.” They go on to explain, “Freeing oneself involves understanding that loving relationships give consequences their power. Releasing oneself means continuing
I hear of parents whose knee-jerk reaction to almost anything that their child does wrong is to take away their child’s cell-phone. “It’s the only thing they care about”, parents will tell me. “It’s the only thing that makes them do the thing I ask them to do!” Whether the misbehavior is talking back, refusing to do chores, allowing grades to slip, or being mean to a sibling, these parents whip out their one skill (the cell phone take away)
As a six year old boy, I remember being so scared of the haunted mansion at Disneyland. The ride began as a group of people walked into a large room and listened to a narrator tell us what we were in for. As I remember, the narrator had a deep, spooky voice and he stated we were welcome to come in, but we would never get out. Then suddenly the lights would go out. Everyone would hear a scream and
Have you ever seen a kid have a meltdown over something that seemed unimportant? For example, you start to help your toddler get dressed and you grab the Spiderman Shirt rather than the dinosaur shirt and he suddenly goes ballistic. Or maybe you order a hamburger rather than chicken nuggets and your child throws a conniption fit in the back seat. What could be so important about a dinosaur shirt and chicken nuggets that could cause our kids to fall
Why is it that our children suddenly become experts on respect when they become teenagers? I’m not saying they become experts in treating others with respect. No, I am saying they become experts in knowing when they are not being treated with respect by adults. How do we know this? It’s easy. Our kids tell us by saying things like “this is stupid” or “I don’t care” in a nasty tone of voice. Or they yell at or hit their